STRONG as a military wife

The word strong means (having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks and also able to withstand great force or pressure). I think that sums up being a military wife quite well in just those few descriptions.

I feel like taking on the role as a military wife is a huge undertaking. One that is not explained or revealed when you are young and in love. It is a process of love, frustration, confusion, anger, sadness, loneliness, relief all wrapped into one. It takes on both an emotional and physical toll requiring a survival of the fittest to brave the storms and rollercoaster rides of life. So, how am I strong as a military wife? Because sometimes I feel far from strong when everything seems like it is imploding.

1. You are frequently alone. Being alone so much you hear comments like, "Oh you poor thing. All by yourself." As if you are unable to survive without the help of a man. Or, "You must get used to it after a while." No, you never get used to it, you are just better prepared and know what to expect. Or, "This is what you signed up for." True, you did, but you did not sign up to be apart from your spouse for long stretches of time, move every few years, or so homesick you could scream and upset you are missing significant family events. Comments that sting and leave you wondering about family and friendships who don't understand the military life. The committment YOU and your spouse have made for the country as a sacrifice for public service, duty, honor, and for the greater good. So, it's not poor you. You must face the reality of being alone and not just for a night or few days. But for months at a time or even a year. This means you must develop your own sense of independence. Figure out what YOU want in life and YOU want to do. Can't just sit there and stare at a clock waiting for your spouse to return home. Your spouses' absence forces you to grow as a person and figure out and pursue your goals and maybe dreams. (Help out at school, volunteer, work a job) find that passion again.

2. You are always there. You are the rock, the constant in the family. You are the matriarch of the family which is rewarding and also full of responsibilities. You are there for the parenting, illnesses, homework, late nights, soccer practice, packing school lunches, cleaning, laundry, coordinating and planning everything. People count on you and it makes you feel important. You are the glue that holds it together and sometimes you wonder how you make it all stick.

3. You are physically stronger than the average female. For me, it means I am just that, physically stronger. I have to be. I need my time to myself, my own therapy after a full day at work and home. I have to clear my thoughts, channel whatever restless energy out (although some days the struggle is there to do that workout). But, I know I will feel better. Because I always do. Refreshed, relaxed, ready to continue life as I know it. And maybe the way you know it. Exercise keeps the stress contained, helps me feel energized, and keeps my stamina up. It also keeps me in shape for my husband, makes me feel good about my self image, and more confident.

If I have to mow the lawn or lift some heavy boxes, or open a new jar of jam. I have the physical strength to do so because I don't have a man around to ask for help. I also will have to fix things or lift things that I know are beyond my abilities, so I stay physically strong and fit to manage some of the household needs. You have to constantly pack, reorganize, and move. You are frequently the only one getting groceries. Your husband gets injured and you have to carry the slack.

4. You get over it. Let's face it. You live far from family. They can't be there with you for every special moment you would like them to be. Holidays, birthdays, sports events are often missed. But you are there and your husband may be there as well. You make big deals out of it together as a family. Because you have to. You take alot of pictures and share with your family during or after the events. You find friends, make connections. Share these special events with your new family in new places. Because you have to. Life is about living and sharing it with others, right?

5. You are strong emotionally. Let's face it. Your roller coaster of a life has stirred all kinds of feelings inside and out of you. You have been at your best and your worst. You have moved, settled, moved again, setttled, changed jobs a thousand times. You have witnessed your children's heartbreak losing friends and familiar places. You have suffered your own heartache leaving work and friends to have to do it all over again time and time again. You have been unable to be there for family when they needed you or attend important events as you lived too far away. You are the constant in the family. You hold it together for everyone and make things work.

6. You are strong mentally. If you can handle the military life and stick it out year after year. You are strong mentally. You know the game. You understand the rules and you play by them. The longer you are in the more you know the path to success and see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are in it for the long haul and work towards it. You are resilient and can easily navigate a world that sometimes can feel so lonely, but you keep going.

YOU ARE STRONG.